This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
