Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
