I love black thongs
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
