We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
