I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Randomize
