Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
