his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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