do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize