I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
