Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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