I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
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