I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
