FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
