Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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