I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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