So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
ok first of all what the fuck
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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