I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
