It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
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