Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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