i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i think i just lost a toe
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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