please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
