don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
