You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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