we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I need water and some morals
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
