I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
