just tell him i said nine months
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
