We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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