This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
