Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
