Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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