I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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