To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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