I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
