Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
