I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
