My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
