my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
