So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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