I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
