I skipped work to stalk him.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
