I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
