It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
