I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
