The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
