Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
