try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
