Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
