Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
