My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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