We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
