you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
