you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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