weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We are all done wearing pants today
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize