if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize