iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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