I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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