So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
