We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
