Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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