I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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