Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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