i permit you to call me
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
