I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
