Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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