i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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