You smell like a Billy Joel song
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
