Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
