also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
