so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
