Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
