Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
